Going back a few posts, I mentioned how I'm starting school...well...tomorrow (YIKES!) and that means that John is leaving for college in a week and a day. Both of those things are crazy exciting, but I'm also slightly terrified.
I'm starting at a school where I know MAYBE 16 people out of about 400. I'm considered a social person, but the idea of barely knowing anyone and having to try to make a whole new set of friends is really intimidating. I don't know what to expect, I don't know how I'll be accepted, etc. I'm the kind of person who strongly dislikes uncertainty (and my life is full of it), so going into such a crazy change is rough for me. A lot of people don't realize how easily things affect me. People see me as this strong girl that nothing can break. And I've been told that before by people. I've been asked: "What's your secret to staying positive all the time??" Anyone who knows me better knows that I'm extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism, change, or anything that's said about me. John can attest to the fact that I spend a lot of nights in tears because I can't handle stress of everyday life. So clearly, I'm not the person that people make me out to be. There was a girl in 5th grade who really didn't like me because she claimed I was "too perfect". Looking back to that, I'd love to have said that I DO break easily. I'm not together every minute - I'm hardly ever together, really. Anyway, this whole change from a school where I knew everyone by name to a school that, despite it being a much better fit for me as a person, is essentially foreign to me is frightening to say the least.
Now, normally, I would just go into the Newman or Augustine to talk to John during lunch and just have someone to tell me everything is going to be fine. Here lies another problem. Not only will I be at a different school, but the person I am closest to will be four hours away instead of thirty minutes. John has been there for me when no one else was at all. He's seen me at my worst and at my best. I've never had a better friend. So what do I do when the one who I could always count on to hold me while I cried is miles away? That question has haunted me for months. "I've never had to face the world without him at my side". The prospect of being without him has been really hard to get used to. I want him to succeed more than anything. He is capable of such incredible things. And I'm the first to admit that I selfishly want him to stay with me, but there's no way I can even try to deny him these wonderful experiences. He's been great through this whole thing. He agreed to get promise rings (not in the normal pre-engagement way though!) so that I could feel more comforted by the fact that he'd always be wearing it. But all I can do now is pray.
Needless to say, I'm in for a lot of adventure, and so is my amazing John. It will be a good year, but there are some major changes and uncertainties packed in there. But God is good, and He does provide.
So yeah. Bigger life update....if you care, which you probably don't, but thanks for reading/skimming. God bless you always!
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