18 Years Ago

Happy 18th birthday to the absolutely incredible John Paul James Lann!!! I have been so blessed to be his girlfriend for the last 2 and a half years. He has taught me more about faith, love, God, hope, and perseverance than anyone else ever has. Even though I'm a good bit younger than him, he doesn't let that get in the way or make things awkward. He treats me just like everyone else. He is truly an amazing man. Here are just a few of the wonderful things he's done for me:

1- He's helped me through my depression and addiction to self-harm (I think that's the first time I've mentioned this on this blog...) and has been there for me any time I needed someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, or just a hug from someone I love. He's never treated me differently because I struggle with these things, and he's risked our friendship to make sure I'm ok. That sounds worse than it is - what he did was one of the most amazing things. He called my parents to make sure they knew what was going on and they knew I was depressed. I was so upset with him, and I almost walked away from him. He sat me down and we talked about it, and within an hour things were forgiven and we were happier. This is what I mean when I say that I am the most blessed girl in the world.

2- He always believes in me. I never believe in myself. He's constantly telling me that I'm beautiful, talented, smart, all the things I think I'm not, he reminds me that I'm the only one who really thinks that. He helps me to see things more clearly and tries to calm me down when I'm being irrational. He is the best friend I could ask for.

3- He does everything he possibly can to keep our relationship strong. We've been put down so much over the past 2 years. It's gotten to points where I've just broken down over it and wanted to give up. But he promises me that things will be okay, and he's always right. People judge us a lot based on our age difference. It gets really frustrating. In my opinion, as long as you're devoted to God first and foremost and you have a happy, healthy relationship, your age isn't relevant. He's always so sweet about everything. He wipes out all my insecurities about our relationship and promises that while he's in college he will do everything he can to keep us together and happy. So thank you, John. That means a lot.

4- He supports me in everything. Even though he may not always love theatre, he always encourages me to enjoy it and praise God by doing what I love. He comes to see everything that I do, and I'm so thankful for that. Having him in the audience will mean a ton to me especially since Beth is going to be my first kinda lead role. I'm really grateful to him.

5- He deals with all my insecurities. I have a lot of them. He doesn't let that change anything. He helps me through everything and keeps me positive and calm.

6- He is the sweetest. The other day, he dropped me off at my house and we just talked for a few minutes and he held me close and just spent time with me. It was one of the most wonderful moments in our relationship. He was so sincere and I never wanted to let him go. I'm so blessed to have him as my boyfriend.

7- He tells me about his plans for our future. He is always so encouraging about college and everything else. He calms my insecurities. It's amazing how much a simple word can change my thoughts. I love hearing everything he has to say about us.

8- He has taught me so much about faith. More than anyone else. He always reminds me to pray and to receive the sacraments as much as possible. The things he has taught me about Catholicism is incredible. I owe him so much of my life for that.

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I love you, John. Happy 18th birthday, my love. May God continue to bless you always and give you the happiest life there is. I want to be part of your life forever and help you through anything you need. Thank you for all you have done. I'm sorry for all the times I've let you down. Thank you for always forgiving me and bringing me back to God. I love you and hope you have the best year of your life.

Love always,
Hannah

Done (Part Two)

Done with exams!!! Such a good feeling. And I did well except for history, but everyone basically killed it and it was the teachers fault anyway. Now there are only four more days of school until SUMMER. Boy, am I ready for summer.

Anyway, today is John's baby brother's birthday! He turns two today!! I met this baby when he was three days old. He is simply the sweetest, most adorable baby (toddler) ever! He loves to talk and play tricks on me whenever I'm over. He's so cute! I love watching him and John together. :) The way John's family works is really funny. David was born today (May 26), Mrs. Lann was born on May 28, and John was born on May 29. Then you have Mr. Lann and Christopher are within like a week of each other's birthdays in November. It's awesome! So happy birthday to my favorite baby/toddler in the world, David Joseph Lann!!

He's adorable!

Such a stinkin' cutie! And he totally poses for my camera every time I take a picture. Love it! Love him!!!

Done (Part One) [heh...that rhymes...]

DONE WITH THE TWO WORST EXAMS!!! I'm positive I killed my history exam, but so did everyone else, and since that's the teacher's fault not ours I'm surprisingly ok with it...kinda...not really. But I'M DONE and I'll never have to take another class with that awful teacher again!!

My Greek exam went pretty well. Not as well as I would have liked, but I think I did fine. So I'm alright with that.

Tomorrow is going to be awesome. Literature is my best subject, and our (wonderful) teacher gave us a really good review. So I feel prepared. Plus, I don't have a math exam which is awesome because it's definitely one of my worst subjects.

Anyway, I'm done with 3 exams. Only 3 more to go. Thank You, God for letting me live through this!

Help...Someone...Anyone?

This had to have been one of the worst days I've had in a long time. My history teacher really made me mad (like he always does) and just refused to help us review for our IMPOSSIBLE exam that's TOMORROW. He threw a bunch of new stuff at us, said we had to know a bunch of maps we never even looked at, and just was being flat out stupid. I spent my lunch break crying, then sobbed again for like an hour at home trying to study and still haven't completely stopped (It's been 4 hours). I'm a mess. I really needed someone to talk to. I felt like no one cared. But John was wonderful enough to listen to me cry my eyes out both at school and at home, and offer advice and help. He sat with me at lunch and rubbed my back while I tried not to scream in frustration. So suffice it to say, today was not good. I couldn't really even bring myself to pray all that well just because I was feeling so low. But every time I would put myself down or go into another fit of hysterics, John would say "I'll pray for you" and somehow I'd feel a little better and calm down a bit. I'm still really stressed out and my eyes are really puffy and red (and they hurt like heck!) but I know that God is watching out for me and that my amazing boyfriend believes in me enough to help me through the rough times and tell me that I can do it. So thank you, John, for praying for me. And thank You, God, for caring for me and holding me in Your Sacred Arms. I love You, O My God!

Little Things/Simple Joys

I felt like reminding myself of what I'm thankful for today, just because it's going to be a stressful few days leading up to exams. So here it is!

-John. 'Nuff said!
-LITTLE WOMEN rehearsals start soon, and I get to play Beth...one of my dream roles! :)
-I have pretzel M&M's
-My literature exam isn't going to include any Shakespeare! Only "A Tale of Two Cities"!!
-The Cedar Point trip I'm trying to organize is coming together really well.
-I got 1.25 liters of Diet Coke today for 99¢
-Only 1 more day of real classes, then just exams and a random week of pointless things and I'm DONE with the Lyceum...Kind of bittersweet, actually.
-NO MORE GREEK CLASSES EVER!!
-I get to see my FPAC friends again soon. (FPAC is the summer theatre group I work with)
-I get to laugh with my friends every day at school and just have fun with them
-I have comfy shoes on...lol
-I have a God who forgives me for everything I've done, and who Loves me infinitely... How INCREDIBLE He is!!!

May God grant you many things to be thankful for this day and every day.

Blessings!!

This Is What True Love Looks Like

I just finished "A Tale of Two Cities" by Charles Dickens. It's a beautiful work - if you haven't read it, go read it! It's one of the most exquisite, eloquent, and engrossing novels you will ever read. But I want to focus on one particular character: Sydney Carton.

Sydney Carton is first seen as an attorney who has given up hope in his life and let alcoholism get the better of him. He meets a young woman named Lucie Manette. He knows he doesn't deserve her love, yet he feels drawn to her. She ends up marrying Charles Darnay (The Marquis d' Evremonde) who later in the book finds himself imprisoned. Skipping ahead, Darnay is sentenced to death by the guillotine - France's newest form of execution. Carton knows that Lucie, Dr. Manette, and Lucie's daughter, must flee France to escape Madame Defarge (a truly horrible woman) who desires to kill them for various reasons. Sydney (being the wonderful man that he is, and loving Lucie dearly even though he can never have her as his own) drugs Darnay after showing up at his cell and trading clothes with him and has Charles carried off to the carriage where his family is getting ready to flee. The brave Carton is led from the accused Darnay's cell to the line of those condemned to die. One woman, who is also falsely accused, asks if he intends to die for Darnay. He replies that he will die for him and his family. The two converse for a while, and Sydney comforts the seamstress and they become friends in a way. She kisses him, and shortly after, is killed. It is now Carton's (aka Darnay's) turn to be executed. As the hero waits for the end to come, he imagines Lucie and her little family along with their friends Jarvis Lorry remembering him and honoring him, despite the wrongs he has done in his life. He sees the stains on his life being wiped away. He imagines France a better place with the evils of the present day fading away and the book ends with the quote  “It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.” The imagery that Dickens uses is something to which no one can do justice. The beauty of Sydney Carton's sacrifice for the woman he so dearly loves is, however, something that is able to be appreciated even when told half as eloquently. 


This idea of self-sacrifice is something that ought to be taken into account in every relationship, because no relationship is one-way. Our actions speak louder than our words. We ought to love by our actions. By our words, too, yes. The actions, though, are what really matter.  

"The Final Push"

There seems to me to be a fine line between tough and crazy. I know you've all heard that before a million times, but it really is true. I see it every day.

My school is really challenging academically, and most (if not all) our classes are honors classes. For example, we translate Homer from the original Greek, we don't use text books except in math and science, we study Euclidian geometry, we all have to sing, act, do physical education, etc. You get the point. It gets kind of irritating. But that's not what I'm really going to talk about.

Today in choir, there were a bunch of people missing because a Greek test ran overtime. Our choir director is insane. And I've been in choir all my life. Never have I been in a choir that was less enjoyable than this one. We're recording a Christmas CD (in MAY!) on Friday, and basically, we sound pretty bad. And I understand that we need to rehearse...story of my life...but we can't be yelled at and only told what not to do. Like today two seniors showed up late to rehearsal. I agree that they shouldn't just skip choir, but the director chewed them out like I have never seen before. If you ask me, a teacher should reprimand them, sure. But do it privately, quietly, and don't waste your "precious" rehearsal time yelling at two people while the rest of the students stand there awkwardly. I mean, come now. That's ridiculous. You go on and on about how we absolutely CAN NOT waste time and you go on for like 10 minutes about how they're to blame if we sound awful on the CD. Because that makes sense.....?? The end of my rant. Haha.

Anyway, since it's almost the end of the year, the teachers have all been going on about how we have to give it the "final push". I've felt less motivated because of that. I really don't know why. It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm transferring soon, so I don't care as much, but it's odd that I feel worse about it when I'm doing so well. The brain is a strange thing. But I thank God for the opportunities He's given me. I don't think I would be as strong in faith if I hadn't gone to the Lyceum. And I wouldn't have met John who has been my constant support through everything. So yes, great things have come out of the school, but I don't know why I feel like I've become so unhappy with everyone there except for a few people. It's tough. But I only have 2 more weeks and I get to watch some of my best friends and my boyfriend graduate and go on to bigger and better things. So I'm counting my blessings :)

May God bless you all and give you happiness always! 

Here's something to brighten your day! :) 

My Mom

My mom is amazing.

-She put a lot on hold to adopt me :)
-She's the most talented person I know. She plays piano better than anyone I've ever heard.
-She's always positive and tries to see the best in everyone.
-She is so in love with God and shares that with everyone she meets.
-She helps me every time I need it and she never fails to encourage me when I need that extra push.
-She keeps me grounded and centered in life and doesn't let me get carried away in emotion.
-Her laugh can be heard from a mile away, which can get irritating, but she's always really joyful and happy.
-She always makes me try to be the best I can be.
-She loves to talk about her mom, dad, brother, aunts, etc., with me so I can know about my adopted family.
-She's always willing to share everything she knows about my biological family.
-She's nice to every one of her students and they all completely love her.
-She is just incredible.

I love you, mom. I know I don't always say it enough, but it's true. Happy Mother's Day!

Love

John and I got to spend the day together yesterday. It's been a pretty long week for both of us. We've dealt with a lot. But through everything, he's been wonderful.

  We went to see some of my friends in a musical called "13". I'm a theatre lover, and I've grown up around it my whole life. Sometimes I forget that other people haven't and so I get all energetic and loud around my theatre friends. John is amazing, because no matter how irritating I get, he makes the effort to support me in theatre. He wants me to be happy. Sometimes he does get annoyed by theatre people, which I completely understand. But he's so wonderful about it.
  I got cast as Beth in "Little Women: The Musical" and John was really supportive of me through all my panic attacks before my audition and callbacks. It's amazing how sweet he is about everything, even when he may not be completely comfortable with what I'm doing. There are things he doesn't want me to do, but that's because he wants me to be close to God, and that's sometimes really hard in theatre. But no matter what, he wants me to be happy and I think he knows that I wouldn't do anything to hurt him or my faith. But just having someone there to say "I'm proud of you and I'll be at your show" or to say "You got this! Go be amazing!" is great.
 So thank You, God for giving John to me, and thank you, John, for always being there.
  And another note of love... I watched THE VOW today. I liked it. Not my favorite movie, but I liked the idea of it. It got me thinking a lot about love and about what life would be like if suddenly I woke up and didn't remember anything about my life except things that had happened years ago. It was a scary thought. But it also got me to realize how wonderful my relationship is. No matter what, John is there for me. He's been there for me through breakdowns, excitement, sadness, everything. I've been blessed with the opportunity to watch him go from a freshman to a senior. I'm so proud of him. There have been people that hated our relationship, there have been people who love it. There have been hard times. But somehow, we've gotten through it all and been together for over 2 and a half years. These years have been the best of my life. All the little things he's done for me (like get me my favorite drink from starbucks as a little part of my Christmas gift, listen to CD's with me, etc) mean so much. He's helped me with Latin and Greek, he's helped me through my transfer to Trinity, he's helped me through health problems and such. He's incredible. Most importantly, though, he has led me to God. He's shown me so many wonderful things about faith, God, hope, prayer, and life. I am truly blessed. I love you, John Paul. You are such an amazing blessing and I thank God for you every day.

                                                                I find this really cute :)

Modest Living

This post is oriented toward the women who read this, but the men are free to read it too...In fact, I encourage them to.

Modesty is one thing that every girl seems to struggle with. Society puts so much pressure to be beautiful. But their idea of beauty is so misguided and messed up. The world pushes girls to dress in a way that exploits how they look. With places like Victoria's Secret, Abercrombie&Fitch, etc., women are always told they have to be skinnier, "hotter", and fit the world's warped idea of beauty. Men, however, often don't  want that. I asked two of my best guy friends why they prefer a woman who dresses modestly over one who strives to be like the "beautiful" models from places like those mentioned above.

"I would say that I prefer a girl who dresses modestly because it shows she has confidence in herself meaning in her ability to interest people with her conversation and personality not just her looks. If any guy is actually thinking throughout his situation he'd realize that a modest girl would be one who could be more reasonable and helpful. Dressing modestly shows that you have a great personality rather than just a good body." -John Lann

John brings up a good point. A woman's ability to carry a conversation and be happy and fun is much more important than her looks.

"I'd say dressing modestly simply looks better. I wouldn't even want to be seen walking down a hall with a girl dressed as immodestly as they do today, it'd be embarrassing. The way you dress can tell you a lot about someone. Dressing immodestly shows that you have no self respect and it can tell you what they're interested in. It sends all the wrong messages. It makes a guy look at you the wrong way and their opinion of you changes. It simply lowers your standards and compromises your dignity." -Phil Dougherty

Phil brings up another good point. When we dress immodestly, our dignity gets reduced drastically. When we dress only to get the attention of someone or to "fit in", we lower ourselves. God created us perfectly. We shouldn't want to change anything about ourselves. We are His daughters.

Being beautiful is so much more important that being "hot". And I'm not really even talking about being beautiful on the outside. We should strive to make our souls  beautiful. That is what should come first. Inner beauty brings us closer to God. Inner beauty is what makes us people. Our soul is the form of our body. Therefore, our soul is what we should make beautiful. Not our bodies. I'm not saying it's bad to try to look lovely on they outside! It's great to want to look good. It's not most important, though. If we are trying to look good, it's important that we glorify God in the way that we dress.

Guys, I'm gonna talk to you now. Even if you don't have a girlfriend, make an effort to compliment your friends who are girls. There are always days we feel ugly. A few kind words like "you look nice today!" or "Smile! Happy looks good on you" can go a long way. A lot of times, all a girl wants is to be called beautiful, and for a lot of us, we'd rather be called beautiful and not "hot". It sounds weird, because the standards of the world say that you have to be "hot". And especially if you're dating, always call your girlfriend beautiful, especially when SHE feels least beautiful. I've found that sometimes when I think I look terrible, John tells me I look pretty. It's a nice little confidence booster. So make her feel special, loved, and appreciated for who she is. Because a woman should never have to feel that she has to change herself to get you to compliment her or notice her. When you say we look nice it also shows us you cared enough to notice that we put extra effort into looking nice...often for you. It makes us feel important.

Girls, I know it's really hard to be completely comfortable in your bodies, and I know I'm not. But I'm trying to accept myself for who I am and not change who God made me. And you shouldn't either. You are all beautiful. I used to hate hearing that, but the more I think about it, the more true it really seems. You were created in God's perfect image, and in His eyes you are perfect. Honestly, that's all that matters. The state of our souls is infinitely more important than the state of our bodies. Be who God  made you. Don't let anyone change who you are. But above all, we have to strive to be daughters of Christ.

God bless you all!!

In His Hands

Lord,
Help me to trust You. Help me remember that You have a plan for everything in my life and it is all in Your control. Don't allow me to get too caught up in what I want, but aid me in trusting You to provide what is best  for me. Guide me down the paths of virtue and grace. Help me to be modest in appearance, humble in attitude and mind, and kind and gentle in my interactions with others. Do not let me dwell on my own emotions, rather let me concentrate on helping others to be happy no matter how I feel. Help me be content with myself and the way that You created me, because I am Yours. I love You, O my God...my Father.
Amen

Grateful!

On Monday I auditioned for "Little Women the Musical". The music isn't fabulous, but it's stuff I can sing well. I was so nervous on the car ride there, it was ridiculous. But that changed pretty fast.
As soon as I got there I saw my two best friends, Anna and Neil. We hadn't seen each other in a few months and were dying to hang out again. We legitimately screamed when we saw each other. One thing I love about theatre is that people accept you for exactly who you are. A lot of times I feel like I have to change who I am/what I think around people at my school. And it bugs me because I want to feel comfortable enough to express myself for who I really am. And just sitting and talking with two of the funniest and nicest people I know completely made my day. We joked, talked, etc. It was so nice to de-stress. I love when little things like that happen. Especially because I was SUPPOSED to audition the Saturday before that Monday. But life blew up in my face and I had to reschedule. But I was actually glad  that it did. I had a great time. God always provides. Even if we don't always see how He works.

Yours

So, I posted this on my other blog (The Splendor of His Love) but since more people seem to read this one, I figured I'd post it here, too. 

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O, Lord. Enfold me in Your arms and keep me in Your sight. Make me the woman You have always wanted me to be. Show me how to live my life as Your daughter and to glorify You in all my actions. I am Yours. I am not my own. Don't allow me to live my life the way I think it should be, but rather the way You intend it to be. Help me to keep my relationships dedicated to You as they should be. I love You, O God. Though I am not worthy to be called Yours, You never stop loving me. Please help me to trust You completely and not give in to the temptations of this world. For this world will fade. But Your world is eternal. You are eternal. I thank You for the gift of my life, and I ask You to bless the life of those I love and keep them happy, healthy, and faithful. I love You!