Today started out really badly. I had no concentration in any of my classes. I was disappointed in myself because I found out that my GPA wasn't as high as I had originally thought/hoped. That kind of thing tends to hit me hard because I'm the type of person who beats myself up when I don't live up to the expectations I have for myself. It's something I've always struggled with. Even as a little kid I was super sensitive when someone criticized something I had done. Finding out that I hadn't been doing as well as I wanted to really hurt me. I go to school with people who cry when they get a B on something and put other people down for being wrong or disagreeing with them...that's effected me a lot, which I didn't always realize. I think to myself "What would they think if they knew how I do? Would my friends leave me? Would they make fun of me like they make fun of the others?" I've been holding myself to their standards and it's not good for me. It's gotten to a point where I've had health problems because of my anxiety and have considered medication. I have to learn to be myself and not care what everyone else thinks. Even though people kept telling me my GPA was good, I wouldn't believe them because I wanted to do as well as them and because I'm trying to change schools.
During school I called my dad to remind him that I had an extra choir rehearsal and couldn't come home until later that usual and before I hung up he said "We went to Trinity today and you were accepted, so stop worrying and just accept that you were accepted." It took so much stress off of me knowing that I was able to go where I wanted to and I felt like I could relax and finish out the year, then never have to think about the things that have made me so upset for so long ever again. I think God really does want me to relax. Now I think (and pray) that things will get better. Thank You, God, for hearing my prayers! You are amazing.
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